SEX SELLS - BUT SO DO BICYCLE TIRES, CHEAP SHOES AND EYEGLASSES!
FRIDAY! It’s the weekend everywhere in the world – EVEN IN CHINA! Okay, so you already know that Chinese weekends are drunken sex filled lost days and nights that find 1.6 billion people escaping the reality of making lead painted plastic toys for Walmart all week by wearing slutty clothes and getting hyped up on yak antler or sea slug intestines. And here on the Riding4Beer® 2011 China Tour we’re ABSOLUTELY no different! – except we wear Levis over our satin Hello Kitty thongs (Kevin) and chew Cialis by the handful instead of drinking snake bile to get turned on (Stacy).
Folks, that’s just the plain and simple truth, so last night in preparation for the weekend we set out down dark alleys filled with strip clubs and sex shops to find the perfect one to waste our funny looking Chinese currency in the next few days. Sit down, because you won’t believe what we found. Here’s the deal, sex definitely sells, but so does everything else. In between rubbing their private parts on Vaseline coated fire poles the “entertainers” run other side businesses as well – like optometry shops! NOT KIDDING!
Look, we spent 20 Yuan (about $3 bucks) watching two girls and a poodle dyed bright pink do things for almost an hour that we thought were medically impossible. Then for about $50 bucks more, we got three pair of prescription glasses made with knock-off designer frames including the eye exams for both of us! And the best part is that with the new glasses we can see much better and guess what, the two girls? They’re identical twin sisters. And the poodle? – well let’s just say “size matters…”
4 PICS AND ANOTHER VIDEO - FAST FAST FAST INTERNET, BABY!
Strip clubs and sex shops - our kind of street! Here's our favorite hangout in the daylight!
Eye exam wiith 1950's equipment - NO CHARGE! Fake Ray-Ban frames, prescription lenses, $15!
HERE'S THE TWINS' DAD MAKING OUR GLASSES WHILE WE WAIT! CLICK THE ARROW!
Hey, Chinese weekends sound EXACTLY like weekends in Palm Springs (drunken, sex filled lost days and nights)... so where are the pictures of the poodle? Nice video of the twin's dad, but I'm sure a video of the twins would have been more entertaining. Just sayin'.
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Good news! The Chengdu Zoo called Budweiser and said that the baby Pandas arrived back in good condition! Stacy, you're safe for now! I know you're really depressed about having to return them, so I got you a little present... a "Pandoodle"! It's a poodle cut and dyed like a Panda! I hear they're really popular in China and Japan! He's sooo cute... and probably more talented that that pink one that Kevin fell in love with at the strip club. I wish I could post his picture! You're gonna love him!
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I love the new glasses. lol. Today is July 1st so I hope to see you guys here in the USA sometime this month! Your kitten can't wait to meet you two. J/k. I wish I could send you pictures back of my very boring life. lol Miss you guys.
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Can yu bring me some yak milk and tell the twins' dad I would like to have that vibrator...........lol
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Kevin, give the old lady her glass's back. NOW MISTER!
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Kevin,
you finally found a place where sex is served at "happy" hour. I think you are in heaven. I bet you are as happy as when you "discovered" Spanky all those many years ago. Stacy, are you sure he will ever come home again? Don't hurry, hell called and wanted to know how we got it so hot here.. They have been trying to break the 130 barrior for centuries and it may happen soon!
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