MAYBE HELL IS JUST LISTENING TO OLD PEOPLE BREATHE THROUGH THEIR NOSES WHEN THEY'RE EATING SANDWICHES!
MONDAY! The Riding4Beer Magical Mystery Tour (sponsored by those wacky folks at Budweiser) continued south today from Gainesville, Florida to Clearwater. So here's the deal in case you think we're great (we are) travel guides and ever want to recreate this adventure. NEVER drive down US Highway 19 in Florida! It's basically 65 f'ing miles of nothing but Home Depots, Chili's and traffic lights. Oh yeah, and old retired people from New Jersey driving PT Cruisers at 5 MPH.
Anyway, we finally made it to Clearwater - and it was critical that we make it here for one reason - It's the world, international, intergalactic, global, main, primary, most biggest and importantest headquarters of the Church of Scientology! Oh, yeah! L. Ron Hubbard, Baby! What could be more magical and mysterious than a religion that believes they are descended from aliens? The logical conclusion we draw from that belief is that the great grandparents of current scientologists (like Mr. Top Gun, Tom Cruise) must have done nasty things with little green men! Now we like some pretty kinky stuff (like that time with the red mouth ball and the AKC registered chow chow), but for some reason skinny green people with giant heads and ant eyes just don't do it for us.
Folks, it a good thing there's another (more betterer) reason to come to Clearwater, Florida. HOOTERS! And not just "a" Hooters, but "THE" Hooters! That's right, the first Hooters ever was started right here in Clearwater on Gulf-to-Bay Blvd and we have a motel room right next door! (NOT KIDDING!). We can only imagine this is what Christians feel like the first time they visit Jerusalem or Muslims visiting Mecca. This is the center, the beginning, the nirvana of our existence and spiritual belief system. We've dreamed of this day and we've given offerings in hundreds of other "lesser" Hooters around the world. So, guess where we're headed for dinner? Oh you got it - Waffle House!...
HEY! Where's Tom Cruise and the alien sex party? GOUND F'ING ZERO, BABY! CLEARWATER HOOTERS!
Anyway, we finally made it to Clearwater - and it was critical that we make it here for one reason - It's the world, international, intergalactic, global, main, primary, most biggest and importantest headquarters of the Church of Scientology! Oh, yeah! L. Ron Hubbard, Baby! What could be more magical and mysterious than a religion that believes they are descended from aliens? The logical conclusion we draw from that belief is that the great grandparents of current scientologists (like Mr. Top Gun, Tom Cruise) must have done nasty things with little green men! Now we like some pretty kinky stuff (like that time with the red mouth ball and the AKC registered chow chow), but for some reason skinny green people with giant heads and ant eyes just don't do it for us.
Folks, it a good thing there's another (more betterer) reason to come to Clearwater, Florida. HOOTERS! And not just "a" Hooters, but "THE" Hooters! That's right, the first Hooters ever was started right here in Clearwater on Gulf-to-Bay Blvd and we have a motel room right next door! (NOT KIDDING!). We can only imagine this is what Christians feel like the first time they visit Jerusalem or Muslims visiting Mecca. This is the center, the beginning, the nirvana of our existence and spiritual belief system. We've dreamed of this day and we've given offerings in hundreds of other "lesser" Hooters around the world. So, guess where we're headed for dinner? Oh you got it - Waffle House!...
HEY! Where's Tom Cruise and the alien sex party? GOUND F'ING ZERO, BABY! CLEARWATER HOOTERS!
Incredible, this insanity must end within the next 20 yaers or so. We cannot take this much longer than that. You both must be back on the Budweiser diet! Get a case of BudLight ,go to Hooters, get some wings and you will feel better in the morning ya silly bastards ya. Remember this always our friends, we cannot help but love you both. drive safe.
guy and cary.
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