WE DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT NO STINKING BADGES!
TUESDAY! Okay, you won't believe this one! JURY DUTY! Oh yeah, baby - they picked Kevin for Jury Duty and it's not gonna be pretty. First of all, how did they ever get his name? It must be that with all of the court filings against him they figured he knows a lot about the judicial process. Second, do they realize that court starts at 9am and we're not even usually off the sofa-sleeper before noon? They gotta be kidding!
There is some good news, however, in all of this jury stuff. A BADGE! That's right they give you a "Juror Badge." Look, we know that it's to identify people on juries in the courthouse so plaintiffs and defendants and lawyers can avoid them (or approach them to offer bribes - we hope!) but we plan on using it elsewhere. First stop is gonna be a local bar where Kevin plans on wearing the badge and arresting someone - preferably an off work stripper. Look, he's an "officer of the court" now even if the badge is made out of paper.
Oh, it gets better! They also gave him a "Juror Parking Permit." Yeah, yeah, we know it so he can park in the courthouse lot, but we're using it red zones and disabled parking spaces at the mall. If anyone gives us any crap we'll just flash our Juror Badge! You know what? Except for the sh_tty hours this isn't such a bad job - lots of perks and it also pays pretty well too! $12 dollars a day plus 35 cents a mile from our house to the courthouse. We told them it was about 407 miles one-way so when we get that paycheck it's gonna be Budweisers for everyone...
Usually a summons in a bad thing - NOT THIS TIME! "FREEZE! I'm a Juror! I think you need a strip search!"
Disabled parking only? Look, I have a "Juror Permit! The courthouse is ready for Kevin, the "hanging Juror!"
There is some good news, however, in all of this jury stuff. A BADGE! That's right they give you a "Juror Badge." Look, we know that it's to identify people on juries in the courthouse so plaintiffs and defendants and lawyers can avoid them (or approach them to offer bribes - we hope!) but we plan on using it elsewhere. First stop is gonna be a local bar where Kevin plans on wearing the badge and arresting someone - preferably an off work stripper. Look, he's an "officer of the court" now even if the badge is made out of paper.
Oh, it gets better! They also gave him a "Juror Parking Permit." Yeah, yeah, we know it so he can park in the courthouse lot, but we're using it red zones and disabled parking spaces at the mall. If anyone gives us any crap we'll just flash our Juror Badge! You know what? Except for the sh_tty hours this isn't such a bad job - lots of perks and it also pays pretty well too! $12 dollars a day plus 35 cents a mile from our house to the courthouse. We told them it was about 407 miles one-way so when we get that paycheck it's gonna be Budweisers for everyone...
Usually a summons in a bad thing - NOT THIS TIME! "FREEZE! I'm a Juror! I think you need a strip search!"
Disabled parking only? Look, I have a "Juror Permit! The courthouse is ready for Kevin, the "hanging Juror!"
I hope it's not just a trick to get you into court on all those outstanding warrants...I mean, it worked on the Andy Griffith Show.
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Kevin - I can't believe you're being asked to judge people's innocence or guilt. The only thing you are known for judging are womens's breasts! You know, are they real? Are they big enough? Also, was the lap dance was worth the $1.98 you paid the girl? I can't believe the judicial system in California is so desperate for jurors that they have to call on you. Who's next, Arnold?
Keep smiling,
Ron and Wendy
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Kevin; jury duty? Do they know that your first cousin is Charles Manson? If the courts dig into your criminal past you will be locked up as long as your cousin. We will come and visit you for the first year at least. We cannot help but love you both.
guy and cary.
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