WHY DON'T THE GROCERY STORES IN CHINA HAVE A HOT WOK DELI?
It's Saturday. WAIT! Let's try that again, IT'S SATURDAY! Okay, that was much better. After drinking every single Budweiser in the bar last night we switched to Tsing Tao (sorry Bud, they ran out!) and things sorta spiraled out of control after that. We collapsed back in our room (7ft x 10ft - NOT KIDDING!) only to awakened this morning by the housekeepers babbling in Chinese (why can't they speak Spanish like every housekeeper in America?). Anyway, since it was almost noon we rented a couple of bicycles (50 cents/hour) and pedaled our way to the Beijing Weekend Market.
The Weekend Market is the largest in China with over 50,000 suckers...er...customers wandering around screaming in Mandarin, Cantonese, Tibetan and Pig Latin. The system is to pick out what you'd like to buy and then offer ten percent of the asking price. That usually makes the vendor scream that your sister is a " pygmy crack whore from Shanghai." Kevin would always politely correct them by simply saying, "she's not a pygmy, she's just short." In the end after allot of screaming (the vendor) and allot of crying (Kevin) a fair price would be agreed upon and the deal closed. It's sort like buying a used car in America.
After the market we headed over to the Temple of Heaven. Okay, there was some confusion here because we thought that it was strip club (makes sense, right? "Temple of Heaven?"). It turns out that it's the largest Buddhist temple in all of Beijing built 600 years ago during the Ming Dynasty (the current Dynasty is called the "Starbucks Epoch"). Anyway, we figured since we were already there we should do something religious so Kevin said a few "Hail Mary's" (good Catholic!) and Stacy sacrificed a toad (good Wiccan!). Let's just say that Buddhists aren't as tolerant and peace loving as they seem on TV. They tossed our asses like yesterday's chow mein and we had to pedal back to our hotel without seeing a pole dance or getting to Nirvana. But guess what? It's Saturday and we told our local bar lay on extra Budweiser because we're buying for all the ex-pat "Farangs" like us and in China you can drink all night...
FOUR PICTURES AND YES, A SCHOOL VIDEO!
It's not the Hilton, but it is just $15 bucks a night! It's just like Macy's only no valet parking or gift wrap!
FYI: The Temple of Heaven is not a strip club! When Kevin put up this sticker they tossed our asses!
IT WASN'T LIKE THIS WHEN WE GOT OUT OF SCHOOL - JUST CLICK ON THE ARROW!
The Weekend Market is the largest in China with over 50,000 suckers...er...customers wandering around screaming in Mandarin, Cantonese, Tibetan and Pig Latin. The system is to pick out what you'd like to buy and then offer ten percent of the asking price. That usually makes the vendor scream that your sister is a " pygmy crack whore from Shanghai." Kevin would always politely correct them by simply saying, "she's not a pygmy, she's just short." In the end after allot of screaming (the vendor) and allot of crying (Kevin) a fair price would be agreed upon and the deal closed. It's sort like buying a used car in America.
After the market we headed over to the Temple of Heaven. Okay, there was some confusion here because we thought that it was strip club (makes sense, right? "Temple of Heaven?"). It turns out that it's the largest Buddhist temple in all of Beijing built 600 years ago during the Ming Dynasty (the current Dynasty is called the "Starbucks Epoch"). Anyway, we figured since we were already there we should do something religious so Kevin said a few "Hail Mary's" (good Catholic!) and Stacy sacrificed a toad (good Wiccan!). Let's just say that Buddhists aren't as tolerant and peace loving as they seem on TV. They tossed our asses like yesterday's chow mein and we had to pedal back to our hotel without seeing a pole dance or getting to Nirvana. But guess what? It's Saturday and we told our local bar lay on extra Budweiser because we're buying for all the ex-pat "Farangs" like us and in China you can drink all night...
FOUR PICTURES AND YES, A SCHOOL VIDEO!
It's not the Hilton, but it is just $15 bucks a night! It's just like Macy's only no valet parking or gift wrap!
FYI: The Temple of Heaven is not a strip club! When Kevin put up this sticker they tossed our asses!
IT WASN'T LIKE THIS WHEN WE GOT OUT OF SCHOOL - JUST CLICK ON THE ARROW!
You silly bastards, drinking and carousing around China like a couple of drunking sailers on leave. You're always trying to start some trouble somewhere. Have a great weekend and remember, we cannot help but love you two.
guy and cary
Reply to this
Yea, when you got out of school it was your parole officer waiting on you! And thanks to you two lunatics the "Palm Canyon Roadhouse" is truly world renowned!
Reply to this
Can't thank you enough for the global recognition you're giving us by defacing sacred monuments with Roadhouse stickers. Love it! But can't understand why there's a little green van parked across the street from the bar all the time now with two Joe Jitsu look-a-likes in it. Do you think there's a connection?
Reply to this