THURSDAY!  FRIDAY EVE AND NOT A Moment TOO SOON!  We're still up in Sacramento visiting relatives (lots) and friends (few & far between!), but that's coming to an end at midnight tonight.  We told American Airlines that our great-grandfather is being buried tomorrow (he actually passed away in the 1930's) and got "grieving" tickets to New Orleans on the red-eye flight tonight for less than $100 bucks each.  See, lying does payoff!  Anyway, after this evening at our friends, Helen & Randy's house, we need to get outta town fast.

Randy won an honorable mention two years ago at the Rotary Club pancake breakfast (in the "best butter" category), and even though he thinks of himself as Bobby Flay, he's more like the Cat in the Hat (only without a hat).  Tonight we were invited over and he fired up his barbecue with plans for the perfect steaks - note the phrase, "fired up."  So here's a helpful hint for anyone that has a propane barbecue - YOU DON'T NEED TO POUR GASOLINE ON IT TO LIGHT THE CHARCOAL!  Let's just say that when that when that match hit the propane/gasoline combination it sounded like a stinger missile hitting an Arco station!

Randy dropped to deck and started screaming and rolling around like a feral dog in heat!  His eyebrows were burnt completely off by the blast, but it's lucky he's as bald as a shaved cat (he buys Rogaine at Costco by the gallon, but to no effect), or else his hair would have looked like the Olympic torch.  We couldn't take him to the hospital emergency room because they report all gunshot wounds to the police and he's still sporting a .38 slug in his arm from a run-in with some pimp last week (apparently he wanted SheaLeeza to do things he hadn't paid for).  Folks, we left him with an Ace bandage, a jar of Vaseline and a couple of tabs of Oxycotin and headed for the airport.  We have our own troubles and we don't need to get mixed up in another pimp/gunshot incident or arson charge (the sparks from the barbecue explosion started the neighbor's house on fire!).  Lying to American Airlines was our only option and our next post on this website will be from New Orleans where the extradition laws are shaky and the Budweisers are cheap...

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