WHEN DID MOTHERHOOD BECOME A 10 LETTER WORD?
It's SUNDAY! It's May 11th! And it's the day when the procreating subset of 52% of the population gets an overpriced champagne brunch, bottles of strawberry goo from Bed Bath & Beyond and a $4 card from Hallmark with some syrupy saying inside. Yup, it's MUTHA's DAY! Okay, so how did a day started in 1858 known as "Mother's Sanitation Day" (a day when mothers were supposed to clean their houses - NOT KIDDING!) end up costing billions on spa treatments and flowers?
Look, don't get us wrong. We're in favor of mothers. As a matter of fact if there was a mother running for president we'd vote for him (well, not really because convicted felons can't vote, but you get our meaning). It just seems like moms are pretty popular and just about everybody has one, or at least had one when they were born. Now Kevin's mom wasn't there when he was born, but that's because her bus got caught in traffic and by the time she got all the passengers unloaded and drove it to the hospital their neighbors had him. Sort of a surrogate "thing," but she raised him like he was her own and the neighbors moved away and divorced.
Anyway, in spite of all the commercialism, we're gonna go out and celebrate motherhood today also. Oh you betcha! You may call today "Mother's Day," but we think of it as "MILF Season." After we swing by Home Depot and pick up some Roundup for our trailer park manager (what's he do with all of that stuff?), we're gonna head over to the spa and watch the MILF parade. After that we'll be enjoying gourmet food at the Mother's Day buffet and then back to the trailer for some TV (pay-per-view porn and the Ultimate Fighting Championship). Along the way we'll pick up a 36-pack of Budweiser from the Ranch Mart and when the day ends we'll both silently say, "thank you mom"....
What every woman wants for Mother's Day - A Saw! Happy Mother's Day! Stacy loved her new iron!
A new apron for Stacy from our kids! Then off to the buffet for a Mother's Day feast!
Look, don't get us wrong. We're in favor of mothers. As a matter of fact if there was a mother running for president we'd vote for him (well, not really because convicted felons can't vote, but you get our meaning). It just seems like moms are pretty popular and just about everybody has one, or at least had one when they were born. Now Kevin's mom wasn't there when he was born, but that's because her bus got caught in traffic and by the time she got all the passengers unloaded and drove it to the hospital their neighbors had him. Sort of a surrogate "thing," but she raised him like he was her own and the neighbors moved away and divorced.
Anyway, in spite of all the commercialism, we're gonna go out and celebrate motherhood today also. Oh you betcha! You may call today "Mother's Day," but we think of it as "MILF Season." After we swing by Home Depot and pick up some Roundup for our trailer park manager (what's he do with all of that stuff?), we're gonna head over to the spa and watch the MILF parade. After that we'll be enjoying gourmet food at the Mother's Day buffet and then back to the trailer for some TV (pay-per-view porn and the Ultimate Fighting Championship). Along the way we'll pick up a 36-pack of Budweiser from the Ranch Mart and when the day ends we'll both silently say, "thank you mom"....
What every woman wants for Mother's Day - A Saw! Happy Mother's Day! Stacy loved her new iron!
A new apron for Stacy from our kids! Then off to the buffet for a Mother's Day feast!
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