ALWAYS REMEMBER TO RAPE & PILLAGE BEFORE YOU BURN!
SUNDAY! Okay, we realize we didn't post on Friday or Saturday, but before you all start drinking Haterade and going ghetto on us, there is an explanation. It involves Valerie Bertinelli, a BIG misunderstanding, the Palm Springs Police Department and, as usual, our night school educated public defender. Remember cute little Valerie when she was on that TV show "One Day at a Time," before she got together with Eddie Van Halen and started living like she was married to a rock star or something.
Ok, so you all know that for the last twenty years she never met a Krispy Creme donut that she didn't like, right? Well times change and her spare abdomen along with Eddie and his cheap-ass guitar playing are both gone like an open wallet in a Mississippi whorehouse. It's a complete life makeover and it's all thanks to Jenny Craig (Jenny's cuisine is additional!) who has destroyed more marriages than a Rust Belt tramp. Seriously, have you ever noticed that the first thing fat chicks do when they "just say no" to Costco sized bags of Ruffles and lose 50 pounds is to go shopping at Bebe and then leave their husbands? (Look, don't give us that self-esteem crap - we don't have ANY self-esteem and we're not porkers!)
Anyway, so thin and single Valerie Bertinelli (ever wonder why she never changed her name to Valerie Van Halen since she was married to him for 20 years?) shows up out here in Palm Springs, Kevin starts chatting her up about giving him a "freebie" lap dance and the next thing you know the cops were on him like a doberman on a raw Porterhouse steak. He got hauled away to the "Mobile Incident Command Center," they booked him on some bogus charge of making a terrorist threat and before we knew it the weekend was gone! Well, he could've been sprung sooner but our Public Defender was drunk at some Kentucky Derby party and it took most of Saturday to sober him up and get a judge paid off to drop the charges. So, lesson learned? YOU BETCHA! We'll never ask for a lap dance from anybody again without flashing a few bucks first...
Would one free lap dance have killed her? Kevin was dragged into the Command Center like a sack of dog food!
Oh, you think it's all staged? Then how'd we get this pic? Lesson learned - always flash cash for lap dances!
Ok, so you all know that for the last twenty years she never met a Krispy Creme donut that she didn't like, right? Well times change and her spare abdomen along with Eddie and his cheap-ass guitar playing are both gone like an open wallet in a Mississippi whorehouse. It's a complete life makeover and it's all thanks to Jenny Craig (Jenny's cuisine is additional!) who has destroyed more marriages than a Rust Belt tramp. Seriously, have you ever noticed that the first thing fat chicks do when they "just say no" to Costco sized bags of Ruffles and lose 50 pounds is to go shopping at Bebe and then leave their husbands? (Look, don't give us that self-esteem crap - we don't have ANY self-esteem and we're not porkers!)
Anyway, so thin and single Valerie Bertinelli (ever wonder why she never changed her name to Valerie Van Halen since she was married to him for 20 years?) shows up out here in Palm Springs, Kevin starts chatting her up about giving him a "freebie" lap dance and the next thing you know the cops were on him like a doberman on a raw Porterhouse steak. He got hauled away to the "Mobile Incident Command Center," they booked him on some bogus charge of making a terrorist threat and before we knew it the weekend was gone! Well, he could've been sprung sooner but our Public Defender was drunk at some Kentucky Derby party and it took most of Saturday to sober him up and get a judge paid off to drop the charges. So, lesson learned? YOU BETCHA! We'll never ask for a lap dance from anybody again without flashing a few bucks first...
Would one free lap dance have killed her? Kevin was dragged into the Command Center like a sack of dog food!
Oh, you think it's all staged? Then how'd we get this pic? Lesson learned - always flash cash for lap dances!
Kevin-you DOG!!!! I can't believe you meet Valerie and ask her for a lap dance? Didn't you learn anything from watching Dancing with the Stars while drunk in the double wide? You gracefully sway your hips and grind with them. Man and I thought you were smooth. All you ended up doing was revisiting the big house and having a lap dance with "Tiny". When will you learn?
Keep smiling and have fun.
Wendy and Ron
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Kevin,
Pandering to the celebrities again! You should just gawk...no talking!
Randall & Helen
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