CHRISTMAS! - KILLING PINE TREES AND STRINGING LIGHTS FOR CHRIST!
WEDNESDAY! Do they call it "HumpDay" because its halfway through the week and we're "over the the hump," or do they call it "HumpDay" because it's been a few days since drunken sex crazed weekend orgies and it's time to....er...ah...er...."hump" again? No need to respond - that was a rhetorical question. For all of you in Arkansas, or whose parents are also brother and sister, "rhetorical" means it was a question made as a statement, not one that requires a response. (or a lengthy post telling us how we're going to rot in Hell and never meet Jesus - we already know that - we're Buddists!)
Speaking of Christ - it's officially the Christmas season! So why is it often abbreviated "Xmas?" Is "X" the secret code word for "Christ?" (another rhetorical question - no need to send us a twenty page email justifying the Crusades - but you can send us links to some of your favorite free porn sites). Anyway, we love "X"mas. It's the only time of the year we can break out the chain saw and cut some timber (for Christ!) without the Earth First folks picketing our double-wide. Look, we're as environmentally conscious as anyone, but let's quote from the Bible here. "GEORGIA-PACIFIC 3:21 ...and God said go forth and cut trees for the baby Jesus, covering them with electric lights and expensive ceramic replicas of hockey players and penguins, and ye shall be saved." HALLELUJAH!
Now you're talking! With the Bible on our side we had a divine purpose. "Go forth and Decorate!" (we remember that from Sunday Bible Study when we were in the third grade). And folks, we did just that! We couldn't afford to go to one of those "cut your own" "X"mas tree places, but we still found a couple of pretty good trees around our neighborhood. We didn't win the trailer park decorating contest, but in the spirit of "X"mas, it's not about winning, it's about how much you can spend! Speaking of spending, tomorrow is Thursday and we'll be spending it out celebrating our "honorable mention" in the decorating contest...
At first it didn't fit in the trunk of our Taurus! Trim a little off the top - PERFECT! - and IHOP will never miss it!
Our Pharmacist won the decorating contest. Now that's our kind of ornament! Go forth & multiply!
Speaking of Christ - it's officially the Christmas season! So why is it often abbreviated "Xmas?" Is "X" the secret code word for "Christ?" (another rhetorical question - no need to send us a twenty page email justifying the Crusades - but you can send us links to some of your favorite free porn sites). Anyway, we love "X"mas. It's the only time of the year we can break out the chain saw and cut some timber (for Christ!) without the Earth First folks picketing our double-wide. Look, we're as environmentally conscious as anyone, but let's quote from the Bible here. "GEORGIA-PACIFIC 3:21 ...and God said go forth and cut trees for the baby Jesus, covering them with electric lights and expensive ceramic replicas of hockey players and penguins, and ye shall be saved." HALLELUJAH!
Now you're talking! With the Bible on our side we had a divine purpose. "Go forth and Decorate!" (we remember that from Sunday Bible Study when we were in the third grade). And folks, we did just that! We couldn't afford to go to one of those "cut your own" "X"mas tree places, but we still found a couple of pretty good trees around our neighborhood. We didn't win the trailer park decorating contest, but in the spirit of "X"mas, it's not about winning, it's about how much you can spend! Speaking of spending, tomorrow is Thursday and we'll be spending it out celebrating our "honorable mention" in the decorating contest...
At first it didn't fit in the trunk of our Taurus! Trim a little off the top - PERFECT! - and IHOP will never miss it!
Our Pharmacist won the decorating contest. Now that's our kind of ornament! Go forth & multiply!
Thanks for the tip on how to make our Christmas tree stand up straight and last a long time. Always thought you added aspirin to the water for your tree. Now I see it should be Viagra. You guys are always so helpful!
Reply to this