THURSDAY! HEY, it’s officially the weekend because it’s Friday Eve!  We know you’re partying and we’re getting ready to do the same.  You see, life here in North Carolina goes at a little different pace than in L.A. or New York , or Council Bluffs , Nebraska .  Actually, time doesn’t really go at a pace here at all – it just passes.

 

Here’s the update on our Harley and its rear tire.  The replacement (“Metzler MC 190/60 ME 880 Marathon all-weather/touring tread,” in case you’re wondering) arrived today (UPS Blue Label, Baby!) and the folks at New Bern Harley were up most of last night studying the service manual on how to change a tire so things are looking good in that department.  We were up most of the night too, but that’s because we filled in as bartenders at a local place to earn a little extra cash to pay for the tire ($2.13 an hour plus tips!).

 

We also did laundry today – whew was that fun!  It turns out that our son and his wife aren’t allowed to have a washer/dryer in their house since they used to keep their pet hamsters in ‘em until one day they forgot and did a load of whites.  Poor little guys actually survived all the way to the second spin cycle!  Anyway, Matt dropped us off at a coin-op laundry and all we’re gonna say about it is, “…have ya’ll ever done did youin’s washin’ at the coin-op?”  Look, we’re not complaining, and in fact we made a lot of new friends that have a full set of teeth between them, our bike is getting fixed, our clothes are clean and our shift bartending starts at 8pm tonight!...

      
Kevin finishing his first bartending shift with Catrina!        We don't know why all our whites came out pink!

      
Stacy thinks laundry carts are a  North Carolina Lexus!          Kevin only put a little gasoline inthe dryer!

WEDNESDAY!  Hey everybody, it's HumpDay!  We hope you're all over the hump and we definitely hit a hump!  Actually, it was most likely a piece of steel or some other southern junk laying around on all the roads here in the South.  We're in New Bern, North Carolina and we're probably here for a few days.  Not because it's so exciting (it's not, but the Golden Corral buffet ROCKS!) and not because the strip clubs are great (they are, but that's beside the point), but we're here for awhile because we have a flat rear tire on the Harley!

Now a flat tire on a motorcycle usually isn't a big deal - ya just "plug 'em and ride 'em" (we're talking about fixing tires here -get your minds out of the gutter!).  But this was no ordinary flat!  Our rear tire was sliced by some sort of road debris and is now destined to become rubber dust in some recycling plant.  The good news is that there actually is a Harley dealer here in New Bern.  The bad news is they don't normally carry those "new fangled" things like tires!  Yup Mickey, it's on order from some warehouse in Raleigh and should be here in a day or two or three... or a week.

Folks, it could be worse.  At least our son and daughter live here so we can sleep on their sofa and eat their food for free.  Also, the Harley folks were real nice when we explained what tires do and they even invited us over for a fish fry while we wait for UPS, or Pony Express or whatever to deliver the tire.  In the meantime, we've staked out a few local bars (of low reputation - YEAH, BABY!) and we plan on making the Riding4Beer Magical Mystery Tour (sponsored by Budweiser - Hey, send us a check , this tire is expensive!) a household name around town - or at least with law enforcement...

      
They thought Kevn was nuts when he walked in with this!            But they sure didn't mind saying, "pay in advance!"

      
    They never even frisked us to get on base - damn it!              It's Matt, a real live U.S. Marine!  Do you feel more safe?

TUESDAY!  Okay, so remember yesterday when we said we rode from Savannah, Georgia to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina?  Well that was true, but what we didn't tell you is that South Carolina people are b_tches!  First, the roads are GREAT - but with bogus speed limits set to make you break them and state troopers behind every tree - and the penalty for speeding is a month in jail! (NOT KIDDING!).  And then there's the motel folks who advertise $49 dollar rooms (expensive for us) and when you try to check in say, "that" room (there was only one!) is taken and all the others are $199.  This happened at three motels until we got smart (DUH), used the computer in their lobby (NOT KIDDING) and booked "that" damn room online (with a confirmation number) for $49 bucks.  Boy did that piss off those inbred desk clerks!  No wonder their governor was shacked up with some whore from Argentina!

But that was yesterday - and today we're in a "happy place" - North Carolina.  Our rage therapy classes (court ordered mind you!) have taught us to recognize our anger and channel it into positive actions.  Our positive action was to ride out of that f'ing South Carolina and into the newer, better, cleaner, nicer and more north, North Carolina as fast as we could this morning without speeding.  Guess where we ended up?  New Bern!  Okay, everybody together, "...where in the hell is New Bern and why are you there?"  That's easy, our son and his wife (previous stars on this very website!) live there.  Again, NOT KIDDING!

Folks, we're with family here in a town you'll never find on any self respecting map.  That means free food, a free bed to sleep in and free pay-per-view TV on their basic cable.  Oh yeah, it also means we'll have to sneak out to local bars if we wanna meet any off work strippers - at least any that'll comp us a squeezer or two.  Look, family is family, so we all make sacrifices, right?  In the meantime we've got a few plans for New Bern, North Carolina we figure the locals have never seen.  Stay tuned...

                
You pay 'em 200 bucks and get a month room & board!                               Oh yeah, and the weather sucks too!

      
  Yeah it's hot - M&M's melt on your face, not in your hands!           They sponsor us - and thier billboards are cool too!

MONDAY!  We made it out of Jacksonville, Florida early yesterday afternoon and got as far north as Savannah, Georgia.  As usual, it was hot and humid along the way, but for the first time in several weeks (since Louisiana) we hit rain.  About 40 miles south of Savannah the skies opened up and we rode out the downpour in a McDonald's seeing which of us could throw a coffee stir stick hard enough to pop one of those balls in the playland jump house.

After the storm passed (and we'd popped 7 balls and put out some 6 year old's eye) we continued on to Savannah.  That's when it appeared on the horizon like a vision from God.  Most people know it as "Exit  94" off of Interstate 95, but we call it "Heaven on earth."  The exit ramp dumps you onto a cul-de-sac in the middle of nowhere, but it's what's on that cul-de-sac that matters.  In no particular order the businesses are a Travel Lodge (where we're staying), a Chevron (where we got gas) and.....wait for it......hold on......remain seated......a Waffle House, a Hooters and a  Harley dealership.  NOT KIDDING!

Folks, if it was up to us we'd never leave.  What more could anyone possibly want out of life?  Yeah, Savannah supposedly has a bunch of history, but why would anyone waste time on old stuff when they could walk from their lumpy $29 dollar a night bed across the street for waffles, motorcycle parts, and hot wings?  Listen, we know we had to leave there today and continue the Riding4Beer Magical Mystery Tour (our sponsorship contract with Budweiser requires it, damn it!), but we shed more than a few tears.  There are few such sacred places like this in the world (Jerusalem, Mecca, Detroit) and now we've visited one.  Anyway, we rode the Atlantic coast for a few hundred miles north and now we're in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina drowning our sorrows at - where else? - Myrtle Beach Hooters!....

      
  A Georgia "biker gang" - complete with tennis shoes!        Another road lunch - peanut butter crackers & Gatorade!

                   
       Stacy waits out a cloudburst under an overpass!                  Our motel view - Harley, Waffle House & Hooters!

SUNDAY!  Sometimes the journey is the reward and sometimes the end is all that matters.  In our case just surviving is the goal.  We're still in Jacksonville at Becky & Rick's house, but that's coming to a screeching halt today.  We just can't take it anymore - the drugs, the sex, the....  and then we woke up!  Basically this place is rock & roll without annoying music!

Last night we all headed to something called a "fish camp."  Okay, our vision was five or ten toothless hillbillies married to their cousins sitting in a few leaky boats catching catfish.  In reality, it's a massive night club with live bands, plates of steaming food and non-stop cold beer.  Oh yeah, and crowds of frustrated divorcee's wearing real cubic zirconium, carrying knock-off designer purses and pumping phernomes like Texas oil wells.  You gotta love a place like this!

Folks, we drank beer, we danced, we drank beer, we laughed, talked, lied (not necessarily in that order), we drank more beer, we drunk dialed telephone psychics and we drank more beer.  We probably didn't mention that we also drank beer.  Along the way we met some GREAT people, we promoted Budweiser (the proud sponsor of the Riding4Beer Magical Mystery Tour) and now it's time to leave the carnage behind and get out of town ahead of the search warrants.  We're heading north now, and assuming we change roads often enough to avoid members of the law enforcement community, tonight we'll be sleeping in...

                                                  IT'S A BONUS DAY!  FOUR FABULOUS PICS AND A VIDEO! 

      
    We got the best deal on Oxycodone - $1 buck a tab!                   Hello?  Miss Cleo?  Will I win the Powerball Lottery?

       !
   This is when the wheels starting falling off the go-cart!                               The Oxycodone is starting to kick in!

                CRANK THE VOLUME, CLICK ON THE ARROW AND YOU'LL SEE WHY WE LOVE BUDWEISER!

                   

FRIDAY, SATURDAY, WHATEVER DAY!  Camera fades in on Friday morning and we're in Jacksonville staying with our friends Becky & Rick.  An idea occurs to all of us that we should drive over to St. Augustine (the oldest city in America - but they never asked the Indians did they?) and look at old sh_t.  Suddenly Vaseline is smeared on the camera lens and the next 36 hours are a blur - thus ending our career as screenplay writers.

Let's see if this can be pieced together from photos on our camera, police reports and the various dents and scratches in Rick & Becky's car and the rips in the upholstery.  We drove about and hour and a half, we parked just blocks from the St. Augustine waterfront and set about exploring the old town.  We saw a bar, we saw a bartender, we saw another bar, we saw another bartender, we saw some beer, we saw some more beer - St. Augustine is quite a historic city.  What architecture!  Look, we're not travel agents, but we suggest EVERYONE visit here soon.

Around midnight we drove an hour and a half back to Jacksonville.  Somewhere along the way we drove through a McDonald's for hot apple pies, we stopped at a package store for an 18-pak of Budweiser and we bought $4 bucks of regular unleaded gas at a Kangaroo Mart.  Our friends that are pilots say that any landing you can walk away from is a good one - and we walked away from this one.  Well, we technically crawled away, but we did maintain forward momentum under our own power and that counts!  Now it's Saturday, we're laying around the Becky & Rick's pool chewing Ibuprofen like Sweet Tarts and planning what historic sights we'll visit tonight.  Anybody have a guess?...

      
            Beer is part of the food pyramid you know!                          Focus on the Bud poster - pay attention to nothing else!

      
We tried to "borrow" these but the security guard was a B_tch!               Goodbye to the oldest city in America!

THURSDAY!  The weekend is finally here and it's Friday Eve!  So here's the deal.  We stayed in Titusville last night so that today we could visit the Kennedy Space Center and check up on the status of the Space Shuttle "O" rings (we're taxpayers you know!).  Anyway, last night we were accidentally in a bar and met some folks that work at the Space Center.  They told us that admission was $38 per person!  Well, we figured that between the two of us that was almost $50 bucks - and we could better spend that somewhere else rather than looking at old Gemini capsules.

So where would we spend it?  Daytona Beach, Baby!  Oh you betcha!  We rode north today to visit the Harley-Davidson dealer that sells more bikes than anyone else in the world.  We pointed out to them that technically Harley sells the most bikes even if it is to dealers, but we get their point.  Anyway, it was a pretty big store and they had pretty alot of bikes and they had pretty much every accessory and when we told them we were the Riding4Beer Magical Mystery Tour they gave us pretty much nothing!  But it was fun to look at all the stuff that cost more than the $50 we saved by not going to the Space Center.

After lunch we continued north to Jacksonville where we're staying with our friends Rick & Becky.  Actually, we don't know that much about them.  We met them in a bar in New Orleans a few months before the tour began (and a few months before Budweiser foolishly signed on to sponsor us again!).  We had a PI that our New Orleans Public Defender keeps on retainer check them out and it appears they're both just one strike short of permanent residency courtesy of the State Penal System.  We figured that was a good enough recommendation for us so we're here for the long haul - don't tell 'em!...

      
 These guys are astronauts and told us tickets cost $38!                  Stacy is thinking about getting her own bike!

      
     Daytona Harley-Davidson - the Biggest in the world!             Scott the sales mgr doesn't know our check will bounce!

WEDNESDAY!  This is it!  It's Humpday and before we took the Riding4Beer Magical Mystery Tour (sponsored by the cool refreshing taste of Budweiser!) on the road this morning we absolutely h_mped! - didn't you?  After that, it was time for us to quit fooling around and start heading east again.  We cruised out of Tampa under cloudy skies (it rained all night) and trusted the Weather Channel (normally pathalogical liars) that the storms had passed.

Our first stop was some little B.S. town called Lake Wales literally dead center in the middle of Florida.  Their claim to fame is something called "Spook Hill" where your car (or motorcycle) is supposed to roll uphill.  Okay, we parked on the starting line, we put the bike in neutral and it definitely started rolling - DOWNHILL!  These lying bastards even named their kids' school "Spook Hill Elementary School"  and stole the image of Casper the Flying Ghost (without paying royalties to Hanna-Barberra) as their mascot!  This is what we say to Lake Wales; "SPOOK THIS!"

Anyway, there's more important news to report than rip off tourist attractions.  When you circle the United States counter-clockwise (like us - haven't you figured that out yet?) you only have to make three left turns and we made the first one today.  You guessed it, we hit the Atlantic Ocean at Vero Beach, Florida and turned left (north) on the famous Highway A1A - the easternmost road in North America!  Folks, it took 4,837 miles, but we've now crossed the continent from coast to coast.  We rode for about 100 miles up the Atlantic seaboard to Cape Canaveral (Kennedy Space Center, Baby!) and finally called it quits in Titusville (primarily because of the first three letters of the name).  Tomorrow we have a busy day with lots planned, but first we're headed out for dinner, a few (gallons) of beer and to search for those first three letters!...

                                        FOUR PICS AND A VIDEO TO PROVE THOSE SPOOK HILL BASTARDS LIE!

      
 Would you want your kids to learn to read at this school?              4,800 hundred miles and finally the Atlantic Ocean!

      
     We turned left on the easternmost road in America!                "Roger Houston, we are go for launch here at the Cape!"

                                     CLICK ON THE ARROW AND SEE IF KEVIN ROLLS UPHILL OR DOWNHILL!

                         

TUESDAY!  You know, sometimes there are days and then sometimes there are DAYS!  Today is definitely one of those DAYS!  They say that timing is everything in life (especially if you're using the rhythm method of birth control) and today proved that point again and again - and in GREAT ways believe it or not!  We started out with the basic Tuesday morning size 7 3/8 hangover after drinking (accidentally) too many pitchers of ice cold Budweiser (proud sponsors of the Riding4Beer Magical Mystery Tour) last night at the original Hooters in Clearwater, Florida.  That's sorta how we start every day so it wasn't  a big deal, but then the stars aligned and harmonic convergence took over!  (in other words - weird sh_t started working to our advantage!).

We rode south to St. Petersburg (waste - except for a visit to a ceramics company) and then northeast to Tampa (double waste).  Actually, we were crossing Tampa Bay on some long ass bridge (like 10 miles long - not kidding!) and two toothless drunks in a beat up pickup truck started yelling at us (at 65 MPH!).  We finally figured out they were yelling that our tail light was burned out!  This friends, is proof that toothless hillbillies in a twenty year-old pickup truck are smarter than all the soccer moms in Lexus SUV's that passed us - although  we do prefer the latter when they're drunk, wearing lingerie and feeling under appreciated!

Anyway, we rode on and called 1-800-Google (NOT KIDDING - but actually it's 1-800-Goog411) when we stopped for gas and were immediately directed to a Harley dealer just 2 miles away - and in the direction we were going anyway!  At the dealership we bought the damn $5.99 bulb (it should still be under warranty after 75,000 miles and 6 years, shouldn't it?) and $70 bucks worth of t-shirts, but we also learned that the route we were following basically went to nowhere fun, interesting, exciting, lewd, or socially irresponsible.  So, we opted to stay right across the street from the Harley dealer in a Day's Inn (where we actually had a discount coupon!).  Within in minutes after checking in the skies opened up and rain started falling, but we didn't care in the least because guess what else is right across the street?  Oh you betcha, HOOTERS!  Sometimes timing really is everything, now just where are those soccer moms?...

                                          BONUS DAY!  SIX (count 'em!) PICTURES - BECAUSE WE CAN!

      
             OH YEAH!  This is "the" original Hooters!                          The world's largest earthen ceramics kiln (so they say!)

      
 The Tampa Bay bridge is where it all started happening!           A screwdriver and pliers can fix anything on a Harley!

      
      Chris said a burned out bulb means time for a new bike!        Wade & Duane gave us  the bulb - but charged $5.99 for handling!

MONDAY!  The Riding4Beer Magical Mystery Tour (sponsored by those wacky folks at Budweiser) continued south today from Gainesville, Florida to Clearwater.  So here's the deal in case you think we're great (we are) travel guides and ever want to recreate this adventure.  NEVER drive down US Highway 19 in Florida!  It's basically 65 f'ing miles of nothing but Home Depots, Chili's and traffic lights.  Oh yeah, and old retired people from New Jersey driving PT Cruisers at 5 MPH.

Anyway, we finally made it to Clearwater - and it was critical that we make it here for one reason - It's the world, international, intergalactic, global, main, primary, most biggest and importantest headquarters of the Church of Scientology!  Oh, yeah!  L. Ron Hubbard, Baby!  What could be more magical and mysterious than a religion that believes they are descended from aliens?  The logical conclusion we draw from that belief is that the great grandparents of current scientologists (like Mr. Top Gun, Tom Cruise) must have done nasty things with little green men!  Now we like some pretty kinky stuff (like that time with the red mouth ball and the AKC registered chow chow), but for some reason skinny green people with giant heads and ant eyes just don't do it for us.

Folks, it a good thing there's another (more betterer) reason to come to Clearwater, Florida.  HOOTERS!  And not just "a" Hooters, but "THE" Hooters!  That's right, the first Hooters ever was started right here in Clearwater on Gulf-to-Bay Blvd and we have a motel room right next door!  (NOT KIDDING!).  We can only imagine this is what Christians feel like the first time they visit Jerusalem or Muslims visiting Mecca.  This is the center, the beginning, the nirvana of our existence and spiritual belief system.  We've dreamed of this day and we've given offerings in hundreds of other "lesser" Hooters around the world.  So, guess where we're headed for dinner?  Oh you got it - Waffle House!...

      
    HEY!  Where's Tom Cruise and the alien sex  party?               GOUND F'ING ZERO, BABY!  CLEARWATER HOOTERS!

SUNDAY!  Hey everybody!  It's Sunday, we're in the South and we didn't go to church!  We were pretty much the only ones that didn't go, but that's only because we couldn't find a Buddhist temple in Quitman, Georgia.  Yup, we left Tallahassee this morning, rode north into Georgia (more on that exciting side trip later), then south back into Florida ending our day in Gainesville.  I know you are all tired of hearing about how f'ing hot it is, but the heat index today at 3pm (Eastern time, baby!) was 123 degrees!

Anyway, we normally would have just rode straight south to Gainesville and been done with it, but instead we took the opportunity to ride the other direction for about 50 miles to Quitman, Georgia.  We know that you all know our trailer park manager, Lowell, back in Palm Springs is taking care of stuff for us.  Well, he not only was born in Quitman, Georgia, he ran for public office there about 30 years ago and lost by four votes!  We couldn't be this close and miss the opportunity to go there and tag a few public buildings L.A. "gangsta style" with some cans of Krylon we bought just for that purpose.  They'll never forget our trailer park manager, Lowell again!

You know, riding in the South on Sunday mornings is GREAT!  There's nobody on the roads AT ALL!  Why?  Because they're all in church and then after about noon they're all in Waffle House in their suits and dresses.  We thought about going to church too, but then we asked ourselves, "WWJD?"  You probably think that means "what would Jesus do?," right?   Well, to us it means "what would Jimi do?"  (Hendrix, that is!)   Party on everybody - PURPLE HAZE....

      
     Boyhood home of Lowell the trailer park manager!                        It's Sunday!   God bless church for the open roads!

      
Great name!  If they had drive-thru liquor - we'd buy this place!        Perfect for the Riding4Beer Magical Mystery Tour!

SATURDAY!  So there are plans and then there's reality.  The plans were to go out last night here in Tallahassee, have a little dinner and a few beers, get up early today and continue the Riding4Beer Magical Mystery Tour (sponsored by the "King of Beers," Budweiser!).  The reality is that we never ate dinner (but had GREAT appetizers!), we drank more than a few beers (by about 20) and we didn't get up until about noon (but we're on Eastern time!).  Actually, it all worked to our advantage because it's so hot here today the trees are looking for dogs!

Folks, it is so hot in Tallahassee they use synthetic oil to fry potatoes!  So now we have a new (and improved) plan.  We're gonna have a little dinner, drink a few beers, get up early tomorrow and continue the ride.  We know that sounds like the last plan (because it is), but we're just not creative enough to come up with anything new.  Besides, it worked pretty damn good since today we laid around by John & Katherine's pool all day eating mini-tacos and drinking "sweet" tea.  Hey, if we weren't here we'd be somewhere else doing the same thing, right?

Anyway, we're serious about hitting the road tomorrow.  Our Budweiser contract (section 19 (a) (ii)) requires us to travel a minimum of 1,000 miles per week and we hate letting that build up and doing it all in one long day (and night!).  We figure we'll continue on down the Gulf until it's too hot to ride and then we'll find a cheap-ass hotel with a pool, heat up some mini-tacos in the microwave in the room and lay around drinking "sweet" tea.  Wait a minute!  Why are we leaving?...

                         
                 We figured we'd just have a few beers!                   The next thing you know... (Budweiser must be so proud!)

      
          We're not making this sh_t up - IT'S HOT!                                         Stacy spent the entire day in the pool!

FRIDAY!  This is the day you've all been waiting for - IT'S THE WEEKEND, BABY!  We rode about 300 miles yesterday along the gulf and now we're at our friends' house in Tallahassee, Florida.  John & Katherine graciously offered for us to stay a few days - and since it's cheaper than Econolodge - we graciously accepted.  Besides, they both have jobs and we were left home alone today so it was the perfect opportunity stock up on stuff we need (or want).

Look, they're both "industrialists, so when they left this morning to engage in their capitalist pursuits, we spread some of our Marxist pamphlets around the house and began sharing "their wealth."  We figure if they're gonna use the labor of the proletariat to enrich their capital stock, they should realize that common ownership of all production belongs to the people!  HA!  And you thought we weren't paying attention in 8th grade social studies class.  We weren't, but we learned that stuff from the "Baby Einstein" series we bought a year ago.

Anyway, you wouldn't believe all the stuff they have in their pantry and garage and utility room and medicine cabinets!  We loaded up our bike with boxes of Pop-Tarts, cans of extra oil, 20lbs of Scotts Weed-n-Feed and even a bottle of little white pills we think are Oxycodone (but could be for a kidney infection.)  Yup, leaving us home for day worked out well for all of us.  They got a break from us showing them all the pictures we've taken on the tour so far (along with Kevin's blah, blah, blah narration), and we got essentially a day at Sam's Club without having to pay.  Tomorrow we'll be on the road again working our way down Florida, but in the meantime we're taking John & Katherine out to show our appreciation for their hospitality.  Anything they want off the dollar menu at Burger King is fine with us.  And just think - we'll be at your house soon!...

      
They won't miss a bag of Ruffles and some Italian dressing!                We love beer, but these will do fine too!

      
     A little Oxycodone is always good for a hangover!                We can get at least $5 at the swap meet for Turf Builder!

THURSDAY!  Guess what?  It's Friday Eve so that means the weekend is here!   Yes, we realize that you think everyday is a weekend for us on the Riding4Beer Magical Mystery Tour (sponsored by Bud-Bud-Budweiser!), but that's just not the case.  We have a lot of stress being out here on the road for months at a time.  There are critical decisions we make everyday, like which Waffle House to go to for breakfast, should we stay at Econolodge or Motel 6 and should we have dinner at  Hooters or Hooters. 

There's other stress out here too!  For example, today we rode from Pensacola, Florida to Tallahassee, Florida where we're staying with our good friends, Katherine and John.  No big deal, right?  Well, along today's 250 miles we passed through Gulf Breeze, Florida to check out the site of the famous 1986 UFO sightings.  So here's the rub - in this little town of about 6,000 folks, ALL residents are authorized to stop ANYONE and cite them for traffic violations (NOT KIDDING!).  Folks that live there can even check out off duty patrol cars and drive around issuing tickets!  We're not making this up!  AAA lists Gulf Breezes as the top city in the United States where you're most likely to get a traffic ticket.

Just guess what kind of a chance we had of escaping a ticket riding a black Harley with California license plates.  Can you say,  "ZERO?"  Fortunately, we had a plan.  Look, everyone that lives there are cranky old people so we knew they'd all be having dinner at Denny's around 3pm (senior early bird discount time, baby!).  That's when we made our move - we raced through town on Highway 98 and were in the next county before they could even get their walkers loaded in their PT Cruisers.  We're safe in Tallahassee now, Katherine & John are treating us to dinner at Hooters (or is it Hooters?) and tomorrow?...

      
   10% off breakfast at Waffle House if you sit in a booth!                     We took this pic and raced past the Denny's!

WEDNESDAY!  When we leave a place - WE LEAVE A PLACE!  New Orleans? History!  Louisiana? History!  Mississippi? History!  Alabama? History!  That's right, the Riding4Beer Magical Mystery Tour crossed four states today and now we're in Florida!  Actually, we're in Pensacola - home of Navy and Marine bases, and, and, and.....okay, that's pretty much it.  But where there are soldiers and sailors there are bars and strip clubs.  See, there is a surprisingly logical method to the madness that resides in our gray matter.

Speaking of madness, for part of the day today we rode along the gulf and in Biloxi, Mississippi we went to the George Ohr Museum.  Go ahead you art fools - ask us who George Ohr is!  He's the "Mad Potter of Biloxi"  He died about a hundred years ago, but is known as the father of modern art and once we saw his pottery we definitely wanted some of whatever he was smoking!  Folks, this guy was whacked!  But, other than weird 100 year old bowls, there really isn't much in Biloxi, or Mobile, or anywhere along the gulf - just sand and water.  Where are all the college girls in bikinis?

That's why we ended up in Florida.  We're right down the road from the Pensacola Navel Air Station at the "Sleep Inn."   Drop by and see us - three other people already have since the front desk keeps giving out keys to our room!  We wouldn't mind, and they could even stay, except they don't look like the partying types - one lady actually said, "God bless you," when she left.  So here's the deal.  We're in Pensacola because it was time to stop (105 degrees / 90% humidity!) - not because there's anything magical or mysterious.  Trust us though, by tomorrow morning they'll be plenty happening around the ol' Sleep Inn if they keep giving out our room key!...

      
It's amazing how a few hurricanes can clean up a beach!                             Has Kevin finally met his match?

      
      See!  We really went to a museum and everything!                          The Mad Potter & Kevin - switched at birth?

TUESDAY!  Finally - Magic and Mystery!  That's right, the Riding4Beer Magical Mystery Tour (sponsored by the "suits & ties" at Budweiser) finally had a paranormal experience (other than the ones in strip clubs!).  We're still in New Orleans, the most haunted city in America, and last night we met up with some real, honest to god (but not Buddha) certified and licensed (who licenses people like this?) paranormal investigators.  It was kinda weird that our scheduled meeting was in a bar in the French Quarter, but hey, we figured maybe the building was haunted and they were paying for the beer!

Anyway, before we could even start talking to them they made us put on protective hats to block "harmonic thought  wave control"  We still had nasty thoughts, but even years of therapy can't get those images out of our minds.  They also made the bartender wear one so he couldn't transmit - this was a safety precaution just in case he was really a "shape shifter" (NOT KIDDING!).  After all the precautions were taken we got down to business, which consisted mostly of them trying to sell us a timeshare on the Gulf somewhere in Mississippi.  Of course we bought three weeks because the check we wrote is gonna bounce like Silly Putty ("Silly Putty" is a registered trademark of those bastards at the Kenner Toy Company - "...If it's Kenner, it's fun!") and we got two free coupons for the buffet at the riverboat casino just for signing!

Folks, we figured out that these guys probably have never seen a ghost, but the beers were free, we enjoyed the buffet and the hats are AWESOME!  We've since added paper clip chains to them so they remain grounded and we're wearing them everywhere we go - you can never be too safe when there are stray thought waves floating around.  Wait!   We're getting one of those thoughts right now and we can't stop ourselves from acting on it.  "Yes, oh great one - we'll go straight to the nearest bar and beginning drinking heavily!"...

                                            TWO PICS AND A VIDEO THAT YOU JUST HAVE TO SEE TO BELIEVE!

      
     All the beers had nothing to do with wearing the hats!               The guy on the left is investigating more than ghosts!

                                   YOU GOTTA CLICK ON THE ARROW - IT'S AN ACTUAL PARANORMAL EVENT!

                        

MONDAY!  Quit complaining about us still being in New Orleans!  Okay, keep complaining - it's good to express yourselves!  Look, we've had "issues" to deal with - and not just the legal or emotional ones like usual.  There was broken air conditioning in our rented room to deal with (done), repairs needed on the Harley (ongoing) and of course Budweiser (our GREAT sponsor) had us scheduled for waaaaaay too many events (but their checks don't bounce so we're not complaining!).  Anyway, we're here tomorrow and then FINALLY on the road again. 

There's still plenty of the Riding4Beer Magical Mystery Tour left (like two months!) so killing a few days here in the "Big Easy" is not really a big deal.  So far we've been on the road just 23 days, we've been to nine states and covered over 3,500 miles.  During this short time we've already met hundreds of GREAT people (many for the first time when they answered the telephone call to our motel room) and we've seen some fantastic sights (including some that weren't in strip clubs!)

Along the way we've also received many signs from "out there" (this is the Magical Mystery Tour after all!).  These mostly appear after drinking heavily, but they also show up neatly printed on paper, wood and plastic.  Most of them make total sense, some of them are a bit confusing and others?...  Let's just say there are some that even with our third grade education confound us!.  Folks, it's Monday night in New Orleans and that means fewer tourists for us to prey on, so we're headed out to for some red beans and rice, plenty of ice cold Budweiser and then we'll see if they really do quit continuing felonies after three!  Oh yeah, and we're supposed to be meeting some "paranormal investigators" later at a bar so just imagine what tomorrow's post will be...

                                              A MAP OF THE TOUR SO FAR AND SOME OF OUR FAVORITE SIGNS!

      
                   3,600 miles - about 12,000 to go!                                  We always go to the Econolodge for a seaweed wrap!

      
     We hear the "Postal Suites" are the size of a stamp!              And when they're outta beer it's only 10 cents a bottle!

SUNDAY!  There's nothing like Sunday in New Orleans.  Everyone heading to church - men in their straw hats, kids in suit & tie, women in red spandex tube tops with thigh high stockings and garter belts.  Oh, sorry!  We got church mixed up with the "interpretive dance" clubs on Bourbon Street - it's an honest mistake!  We see lots of folks make that same mistake everyday!  As a matter of fact we set out everyday for both morning and afternoon mass and have yet to make it to the cathedral ourselves - although we're now VIP members of every strip club in the French Quarter.

Folks, the Riding4Beer Magical Mystery Tour (sponsored by those fine folks at Budweiser!) has been running a little short of the "Magic" and the "Mystery" lately.  We know that!  We've got your emails and we got the registered letter from Budweiser saying we're in default on our contract.  But here's the deal - we sure are finding "magic" in those clubs we're now VIP members of (thank you Budweiser - by the way, can we submit handwritten receipts to get reimbursed for all the dollar bills we used?).  Trust us when we tell you that a squeezer from Kimmee is pure magic!

Actually, there have been reports around New Orleans the past few days of UFO's (NOT KIDDING!).  Our timing couldn't be better since that's the kind of stuff we're supposed to be searching out on this trip.  The local paper reported that last night over a hundred people called the police about strange lights and movements outside their houses (and they don't even live in the 9th Ward!).  We didn't see anything in the sky last night, but this morning there certainly were some strange moments - and then we got out of bed and sent everyone back to their rooms at  the Motel 6.  Look, it may be Sunday, but that just means the beer is half price all day and not just during happy hour.  Wonder what we're gonna be doing next?...

                         TWO PICTURES AND A VIDEO!   YOU GOTTA WATCH IT - WE KNOW YOU LOVE TO WATCH!

      
       Nothing really "mysterious" about this, is there?           Tonya & Kevin looking for UFO's (with help from Budweiser!)

                                              CRANK THE VOLUME AND CLICK ON THE ARROW - IT'S FREAKY!

                         

SATURDAY!  Yes, we survived Friday night in the French Quarter in New Orleans - thanks for all of your concerned emails!  We not only survived it, we didn't get arrested or even detained by law enforcement - which tells you that it was a pretty abnormal night for us.  Actually, we had to be moderate (code word for boring) because we had "obligations" today for our sponsor.  As you all know, the Riding4Beer Magical Mystery Tour is generously supported by our national sponsor, Budweiser.  They actually make very few demands on us for the money we get, but when they do it's always a killer!

Today we had to attend two different events in the French Quarter, act like we cared and smile at tourists visiting from their loser towns - even though it's 100 degrees outside and we're hungover.  First was the "Zydeco Music Festival" down at the old U.S. Mint.  Now if you don't know about Zydeco music (because you're ignorant or because you have good taste), it's basically a bunch of inbred hillbillys playing fiddles and washboards (not kidding).  Let's just say they didn't appreciate Kevin constantly yelling, "...play some Aerosmith!"

Next we had to go to the "French Market Tomato Festival."  This year's motto is "Ripe and Ready," which we agree with, but not concerning tomatoes!  Anyway, we tasted fresh tomatoes, stewed tomatoes, fried tomatoes (yes they were green!), tomato soup, tomato sandwiches, even tomato ice cream! (YUK!).  The only thing they didn't have was tomato beer which was sadly disappointing.  But now that we've fulfilled our contractual obligations (Addendum 2 to paragraph 27(b)(ii) in our agreement with Budweiser) we are free to....to....to....COME ON IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT - YOU KNOW!...

      
       Our buddy Charles kept an eye on us last night!             Zydeco Festival - Here ya go Budweiser!  Are you happy now?

                      
          It's a shame to waste that motto on tomatoes!                                  Once you go tomato you never go back!

FRIDAY!  Say it loud and say it proud!  IT'S THE WEEKEND!  Yup, the Riding4Beer Magical Mystery Tour  is still in New Orleans and most likely will be here for a few more days.  Come on - the French Quarter for the weekend?  Oh yeah, baby!  Well, and we also have some issues to deal with while we're here.  There's still the air conditioning problem with our rented room so we're waiting on some sweaty guy to install a new part, the Harley is still down for the count but getting better and then there's the outstanding no-bail warrant issue.

We borrowed a car today and drove to the Harley dealer for a part and some assistance.  The folks at Hurricane Harley Davidson are GREAT and really helped us out (once they found out how we got in!).  The broken rack on the bike has turned into a pretty major repair issue so we've got the bike field stripped here in our courtyard and parts are everywhere.  We'll get it all put back together sooner or later and the smart money is that we'll have a few spare bolts left over when we're finished!

In the meantime our Deep South Regional Senior Presidents of Vice, Mike and Sandra, have arrived to help sort things out.  Mike made some calls and has an A/C repairman on the way and Sandra has been wrenching on the bike for the last couple of hours (she won 2nd place in the 1987 Ms. Harley Mechanic Contest).  Some new friends we met up in Oxford, Mississippi last week, Tom & Tonya, have also shown up and, and, and.   Hmmmmm, the weekend is here, the beer is cheap and cold and it's time to forget about motorcycles and air conditioners.  It's time to....

      
       Jamie & Lee & Bob & Stacy are drinking to forget...                                     ...okay, so much for that idea!

      
 Our bartender CeCe was impressed with Kevin's biceps!           The Harley dealer really helped Kevin out (the door!)